Instead of indulging on snacks at this time at night, I tend to let my mind wander. This can be a good or bad thing. In this particular case, I can’t tell. I recently had an encounter with my past, and it was refreshing to say the least. I enjoyed the little time I did spend with him chatting about random things. In the moment, it felt like time was passing by so slowly, then as we went our own ways… It’s as if only seconds passed by with him. It was the strangest thing.
Lately I’ve been trying this new thing where I start my day telling myself not to create any expectations for myself. This is so I won’t be let down from those expectations. And I feel like it’s really working. For instance, that day I saw him… I didn’t expect any sort of chit chat at all, let alone a happy encounter. It was nice. And I left it at that. Displacing my expectations is definitely a difficult task. Some days are better than others, but everything is a work in progress.
Speaking about progress… I feel like I need to mention my need to overthink. Overthinking is definitely a flaw of mine. Maybe not a flaw, but something I want to change about myself because I find it distracts me from reality and what is truly in front of me. I’m the type of person to “read in between the lines,” and I put most blame on my studies in college (because that’s what I was taught most of the time). Anyhow, this is how I got to where I am in this moment. I’m overthinking the little things again, and I don’t want to. I know I’m doing it, but why can’t I stop? I try and distract myself from it, but anything can trigger my thoughts-food, a photo, colors, music, the weather… Anything!
I’m rambling on about how I am trying to let go of expectations, yet I can’t help but overthink… It’s kind of an oxymoron. I need to let go. It’s as simple as that. And I am really hoping that I can accomplish “letting go.”