Over the past few weeks, heck, months even… I’ve felt a shift. A shift in how I became uninspired and unmotivated to do things I knew I loved doing. I can’t pinpoint the reason or even tell you exactly what it was that had held me back for a bit, but it’s an unwavering feeling knowing that something out of my control took over and held me back in a sense. I wanted to take some time to write this note to self, and I believe this will be the first of many.
Honestly, I’ve felt so lost. I’ve felt like in the process of helping people find themselves, I’ve somehow lost a bit of myself. And it’s a weird feeling. I love the people I’m surrounded with and I’m in love with the life that I lead with beautiful individuals pursuing their hearts desire. This is all I ever wanted. But at the same time, here I am thinking about how unfulfilled or in a rut I’ve been in. People have called it a funk and have reassured me that people go through it all the time. It reminds me of that post I wrote not too long ago in regards to feeling everything and nothing all at once.
Embracing These Feelings
I’ve felt alone in a room full of people. I’ve felt so much love and at the same time, an equal amount of emptiness. I’ve felt the highest of highs and felt incredibly low. It’s a feeling I cannot define, nor can I explain very well. I’ve let these feelings take a hold of me to a point where I just want to retract and crawl into my bed wrapped up in blankets and tune out the world. And shit, honestly, sometimes I do. But then work calls, friends call, and I have to retreat my safety blanket (quite literally) and actually face these challenges. After all that’s been said and done, I’ve learned to embrace these feelings – because ultimately, they are there to help me grow to my fullest potential.
It took a while to get to where I am now. And I’m in a place where I can comfortably say that things are better now. A lot better than I was in what I’ll call my funk. And I know it will happen again. But this is a note to self that it’s okay to not be okay, and that these feelings are meant to be felt. I’m on a path to self-discovery, one I imagine to be a life long journey, but I’m now embracing everything for what it’s worth.
Looking forward to the future, challenges and all.